Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
