just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
