i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
