Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
