I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
