I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize