I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
