I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He better not be in your backpack
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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