Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
