dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
