You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
