is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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