Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
