Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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