You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
