we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
