i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
