See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
