someone threw a dead crab at me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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