so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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