There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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