This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
