Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
