yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
