After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We left an ass print on the piano.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
