I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
