we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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