I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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