Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize