There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
