I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
