Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
