he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
