I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
