Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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