true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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