don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
