i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
