So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
