I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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