so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
