Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
