No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
