I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
