I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
