That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
