the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
