You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
