don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
