the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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