he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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