Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
