Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
