A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
