Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
