sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
