I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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