you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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