Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
