Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
