I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made him laugh his dick is mine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
