i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
