I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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