Someone shit on the floor
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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