Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
