You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
