I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
