I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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