why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
