Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
