Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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