So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
