It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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